I’m sitting here, in my office, wondering how in the world I can even conjure up all my feelings that I’ve felt this past year.  Tears are welling up my eyes as I’m thinking about it. It doesn’t take much for me to get emotional thinking about Cannon.

It is so mind-blowing to me that my baby boy is already turning one. I can still so vividly remember when we were in the hospital with him––most likely because of the scarring pain I went through (read my birth story here)––and I felt so scared and nervous, but so proud of this precious boy that we created.

It couldn’t be more perfect timing that my bestie, Paige, just sent me a photo of Cannon at one month old as I am writing this blog post. INSTANT TEARS. It’s all so bittersweet because while I miss the newborn age and earlier months so much, I am also just so obsessed with Cannon’s blooming personality as he gets older.

While it’s only been a year, a short amount of time in the grand scheme, the growth and development that Cannon has gone through feels like it should be five years that have passed. I truly wish the first year of a child’s life could be spread out over a few years because there is just so much happening so quickly that it’s so difficult to grasp and digest. Luckily, I’ve heard from several other moms that the year from one to two is the most fun, so I’m super excited to step into this next year and watch Cannon grow into even more of a human!

And looking back on this year, it’s also hard to believe how far I have come too. From drinking copious amounts of margs in Miami, to getting pregnant a month later, to caring for a helpless, adorable baby is out of this freaking world crazy. When I first found out I was pregnant, it had happened so fast that I felt like I wasn’t ready. I honestly wasn’t excited at first because I was terrified and my life had just done a 180 in the matter of peeing of stick for 5 seconds and seeing two lines appear right before my eyes. Obviously over the course of my pregnancy, I got more and more excited each day as the thought of having a baby sunk in.

The pressure you feel as a new mom, or really as a mom in general, is so high. You 100% put it on yourself, but it’s something that will never go away. It all comes from a good place too, because we only want to provide the best for our babes. And while I expected the worst out of me and out of Cannon for our first year spent together, I realize that I have been so blessed with the best baby ever. Overall, I think I had maybe five nights of no sleep that I made up for the next day in naps. I have to truly thank our best friend, Nemo, because he gifted us the SNOO, the most life-changing baby product out there. I truly believe this was our saving grace with sleep and helped us sleep train Cannon and eventually transition him to his crib, where he never cuts a nap short (boy loves his sleep!)

Oddly enough, I also became my busiest toward the end of my pregnancy. I began a new side hustle as half of the Dames Collective Phoenix; I launched my event/pr company and I also began blogging again. Amongst several home projects. Why you ask? No fucking clue. Pregnant women are looney birds and don’t think clearly. Which brings to me my next point about balancing my marriage with baby and all of these other things I had going on. I feel like I have a decent grasp on it all now, but wow it has taken some blood, sweat and tears to get to this point. It is so hard. Baby truly takes over, but there are so many other needs that need fulfilling in other areas that are hard to realize when you’ve got mom brain 24/7. But I’m so grateful for my husband and my opportunities and couldn’t be a sane, normal human without any of these things.

Back to baby…

Cannon and I both had a great experience with breastfeeding and it quickly became easy for us. Then, when we introduced him to solid foods, there wasn’t a single food he hated (if I had to choose one he liked the least, I would say avocados, which he definitely didn’t get from me). We created a great schedule and rhythm, which I think turned my good baby into a great one.

Right now, Cannon is crawling, standing and even walking a good amount of steps before he clumsily sits right back down on his little butt. He knows how to “fluff the pillow”, show me what a fishy does, say “mama”, “dada” and “wow”, show me where his eyes are and tell us when he’s done eating. He is also OBSESSED with pointing at everyyyythingggg. Literally everything. It’s so cute. We call him ET because of it. But my personal favorite thing that Cannon does right now, is walk up to my legs and hug them like he’s never letting go. He has major separation anxiety / stranger danger too and I secretly love it. I never want these moments to end.

His personality is probably more like mine right now––the kid is fearless and wants to explore everything (exactly how I was growing up), but he definitely has the charm that Thor has (can’t believe I just admitted that lol). He’s got my feet and ears and Thor’s eyes.

In this next year, I definitely want to travel more with Cannon. We have only done drives to Flagstaff, Sedona and California. I think I had a lot of nervousness in general about going places with him (even just Target), so the thought of flying sounded horrifying to me. Now, I’m obviously much more comfortable and have a system down so this is on my list of intentions for 2020!

Here are a couple of fun “then and now” stats from birth to today:

• • • Weight
      • Birth: 7lb 10oz
      • 1-year: 23lb 3oz
    • Length
      • Birth: 21 inches
      • 1-year: 32 inches
    • Eye Color:
      • Birth: gray / hard to tell
      • 1-year: Brown
    • Teeth:
      • Birth: obviously zero duh
      • 1-year: SIX! Four on top and two on bottom
    • Hair color:
      • Birth: dark brown
      • 1-year: strawberry blondish/brown idk it’s weird haha

Cannon came into this world on December 9, 2018 at 9:36 pm, and showed us a love we never thought was possible. Some days I truly feel like I can’t handle it and I just sob, soaking my face in tears. But I am so beyond happy. So much that I don’t know how else to express it other than to cry.

I can’t wait to watch him grow even more with each year (or can I? Please stay my baby forever). Life with Cannon is just so much richer. I can’t even imagine what life was before him! So I just want to wish my sweet boy a happy first birthday. Your dad and I love you beyond words could ever describe and we will do everything in our power to give you all the opportunity we can to help you reach you fullest potential. You are the brightest light in so many lives (even the Nordstrom clerks). We are so excited to see the amazing, kind person that you will become and all the lives you will touch along the way. We love you.